I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
