I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
