My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need a beard to bite.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
