nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize