That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
