she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love you.
Bad choice
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