My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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