I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
