I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
