I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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