I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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