4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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