mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
