So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
