im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
