Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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