My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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