Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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