I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
