margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
MIDGETS
????
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
