She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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