Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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