The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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