I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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