You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
