mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
