wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
