idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
