My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
