I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
