Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
