according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to make out with him forever
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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