Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
