Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
