My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.