i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?