My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.