new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba