I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?