i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."