I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb