Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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