i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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