so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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