I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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