Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
