Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
