we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
