He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
