He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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