Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
