You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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