before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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