the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize