I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
