Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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