I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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