how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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