can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize