Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
