I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
