Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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