Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
