i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize