Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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