good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you would pick up someone in the library
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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